Living with and Learning from Critics’ Barbs: A Useful Lesson In My Writer’s Education of 2010

There’s no denying a writer’s psyche is fragile. We may not want to admit it, but writers dream of endless honey sweet words of praise and support for our creative efforts or at least someone that truly gets us.

That’s hardly realistic.

No matter who we are or how high we soar in our creative endeavors — we shall always have our haters, detractors and critics.  It comes with the territory of being a writer.

When you write a book about controversial and unconventional subjects as I have in my recent novel Monogamy Sucks, you become even more a lightening rod for criticism. You have to develop a thick skin quick. Sure, a bad review hurts initially, but such barbs will only make you a stronger and better writer over the long run.

My advice to my fellow writers: get over it and don’t take bad reviews personally.

Even more importantly, don’t allow such criticism prevent you from achieving your writing dreams. The criticism will pass, but so will your opportunities if you become paralyzed with creative fear.

I recently received a couple of tough, harsh reviews for my novel. One reviewer even went as far as to call my character and writing “ignorant” and “sexist.” Nothing could be further from the truth.

I personally don’t think either reviewer understood what I was trying to achieve with my novel. It was intended to be a raw, unflinching diary account of a swinger’s bizarre, funny and sexy journey toward finding some sexual peace of mind in his life, and not a dry literary tome about the subject. I wanted there to be no doubt about what my male character was thinking and experiencing during his sexual exploration.

Still, the reviewers had some valid, cogent points about my novel and writing style that I will take into consideration for my next books.

I remember reading about a famous director who said he never read his bad reviews because they stuck with him and tainted his feelings about his positive notices.  I think you should take all of the reviews — good and bad –  with a large grain of salt and move on.  If you only dwell on your good reviews, then you won’t realize potential flaws in your approach. At the same time, only believing your lousy reviews blinds you to your potential gifts as a writer.

As the saying goes, you can’t please everyone so you might as please yourself.

Despite recent criticism, I am more determined than ever to tackle controversial topics such as swinging, troubles with monogamy, relationships, marriage and sex in my writing. These subjects continue to fascinate me and many others as I am realizing.

And I really think I’ve struck a nerve with my novel as evidenced by the virulent nature of my book’s criticism.

Fortunately, I’ve discovered through Twitter that I have a lot supporters of this blog, my novel and even my poetry in my fellow writers and Twitter friends.  This still humbles and inspires me each day. They are exceptional talents who have shown me great kindness this year.

With exception of my best friend (who is also a writer), I never showed my writing to anyone for much of the past decade. To find those who believe in my vision as a writer is such an incredible boost to my writer’s confidence. The isolation and fear that used to rule my writing life has disappeared. I am no longer fearful to share my work online or anywhere.

This has been a watershed year for me in finally getting my novel out in the world after 12 long years. As I move forward into 2011, it will be with a newfound resolve to face the haters and pursue my writing dreams no matter what. Yet it is the supportive words of my true friends and supporters that will continue to stick with me and guide my way. I can’t thank them enough for joining me on my writer’s journey.

Happy New Year,

GP

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